


All That Glitters Is Most Definitely Gold. And Silver. And Diamonds.

by BoliTheSenate



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: (ha! that rhymes!), Ace Mace, Auction, Crack, Gen, Implied Canon Divergence, Jinn Incident, Nothing to see here, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn Bashing, Qui-Gon Jinn's A+ Parenting, Undercover Missions, Yoda's swamp stew (mentioned), just two friends dressed up for an undercover mission, mace windu in a wig, no obi-wans were harmed in the making of this fic, qui-gon has to deal with the consequences of his actions, spite bidding, the Ziro the Hutt Statue, the order's funds may or may not have been misused for this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:40:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29384298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoliTheSenate/pseuds/BoliTheSenate
Summary: One does never know where one might run into Qui-Gon Jinn, his Padawan or the consequences of his actions.That is something that Mace and Plo learn quite abruptly.Alternatively:The unforeseen consequences of a Jinn Incident derail a very laid-back undercover mission of two High Councilors at an auction house in Couscant's lower levels.Also: Mace Windu in a wig. what's not to love?
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Plo Koon, Plo Koon & Mace Windu
Comments: 16
Kudos: 239
Collections: Clan Tille Stans 2021 Ace/Aro Spec SW Valentine's Exchange





	All That Glitters Is Most Definitely Gold. And Silver. And Diamonds.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Music_is_life_2788](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Music_is_life_2788/gifts).



> many thanks to my beta @reyiosa :D who also helped with the title  
> (yes, i actually had a beta this time, to everyone's surprise. including mine)
> 
> anyways, i sure hope mace in a wig gives you just as much joy as it gave me, Ace ;)

For years, the Knights and Initiates (and some Masters) had wondered: Could you get Mace Windu to wear a wig and some nice, see-through clothes in a public setting?

And the answer is _yes_.

As long as it’s for the purpose of avoiding Swamp Stew Night with Grandmaster Yoda.

(It had been incredibly lucky that this mission had popped up so unexpectedly. Apparently, there was a secret auction planned and one of the biddable items was rumoured to be of great importance to the Jedi. And such a delicate mission definitely required the attendance of at least one Master.)

That being said, Mace was _definitely_ reconsidering certain life choices, as he stood there uncomfortably in his very impractical heels and the very see-through mesh-romper-tunic-thing that the temple quartermaster had produced from Force knew where. The neon purple wig was certainly _not_ helping with his mood.

A trickle of amusement made its way through the force. Mace shot an indignant glare downwards, where his mission partner lounged lazily on the cushioned couch. Why was it that Plo was allowed to wear an actually classy outfit (sleek black silk pants and shirt, a long coat with gold accents that were not too gaudy, but not too shabby either. He’d even gotten a new respirator with gold and ivory inlays) and he was stuck in this… for lack of better words, _trashy_ outfit?!

For Force’s sake, he’d been the first one to claim this mission! If Plo wanted to get away from Stew Night, then he should have found his own mission! Those were the rules! But _no_ , somehow the Kel Dor had managed to wiggle his way into Mace’s. And he even got the nice part! Mentally, Mace made a note to let Depa loose on the quartermaster upon their return, to find out exactly how and with what Plo had bribed her.

The sudden flashing of the stage lights interrupted his musings over revenge.

Leaning down to Plo, who then lazily wrapped an arm around his waist, he whispered: “Is it about to begin?”

The Kel Dor nodded minutely and covertly showed the other Master the elaborately decorated flimsi with the program for this evening’s events.

“Gentlebeings!”, A mechanic voice cut through the chatter in the room. Everyone immediately quieted down. “Please welcome the host of tonight’s event; the illustrious _Mistress Tawworra_!”

Thundering applause accompanied the emergence of a tall, well-groomed Wookiee who was clad in a long, shimmering shawl and wore more jewellery than Mace had ever seen on a single person. She sauntered past the ivory and silver protocol droid who had announced her (Mace had never before seen a Wookie saunter. It seemed as if tonight was going to be a night of firsts for him).

He shuffled closer to Plo to get a better view of the little program brochure, while the lady Wookie launched into a lengthy speech that periodically paused for the fancy protocol droid to translate into standard. Trying to use the distraction he leaned in to Plo’s side. “So,” he hissed, “what do you think we were alerted for?” He tried to snatch the little brochure from him. “I sure hope it is worth this damned disgrace of an outfit you forced me in.”

Plo let out a low chuckle, sounding slightly mechanical through his respirator.

“Oh, don’t be like that.” He whispered back. “You wore way more garish garbs for those Rodian theatre productions you were part of a few years back.” And after a few moments, he added, with a tone that definitely indicated a grin: “Besides, I am thoroughly enjoying this. Some of the Knights will owe me quite the favours for those holos I took earlier.”

Depa that traitor.

That was one hundred percent her doing.

Also, when the Force-loving kark did Plo take holos of him??

This night was getting worse and worse and it showed no sign of stopping.

“We’ll have a talk about this later. For now, let’s focus on the task at hand. Now show me the list of items that are going to be presented.”

With an overly dramatic sigh, Plo handed the program to him, pointing out a list of things in fine print. “I wasn’t able to guess what it was. Everything here seems so ordinary. Well, at least ordinary in the sense that it wouldn’t require the Shadows to inform us.”

Holding back a frown, Mace studied the items. The _one_ benefit of that garish wig he had been forced into was that the bangs hid a lot of his facial expressions. “Hm. You seem to be right. Many of these could have garnered judical’s attention, but I indeed cannot imagine any of these things would have warranted the Order’s intervention…” His gaze stopped at the last bullet point. “It’s going to be that `Mystery Surprise` then, right?”

As he said that, he felt a slight tremor in the Force. A vague agreement. But something seemed off.

Plo hummed next to his head. “I think so too. It’s a shame that we don’t know for sure.” And his voice took on a gleeful tone Mace associated with way too many pranks, “That Ziro statue seems _highly_ interesting as well. Look, it even says ‘life-sized’.”

Mace shot him a glare.

“What? I’m just saying, I have a pretty good feeling about this statue.”

Force, if he didn’t know it any better, he would have said that he was sitting here and pretending to escort Depa and not a fellow Council member!

Suddenly, Mace felt a tug in the force. Not a shatterpoint, but enough that it was… noticeable. Plo must have felt it too, because he minutely turned his head to look, past his flamboyantly dressed mission partner. Reading the behaviour of a Kel Dor was always a bit tricky, because of the respirators, but Mace had the feeling that the expression the other Master now made was equivalent to a Human frown.

“What is it?”, Mace whispered against the clamour of people frantically bidding for some obscure mask that vaguely looked like it was cursed.

“Look behind you.”

In an exaggerated move, Mace turned around. He now was leaning with his back to Plo, and placed his head coquettishly on the other’s shoulder. Well, at least those years of rhodian theatre weren’t in vain.

Then he saw it.

Or better: _him_.

Because, wasn’t that Padawan Kenobi who skittishly hid in the far end of the room, halfway hidden from view by a carved stone column? From time to time the boy would peek nervously at the stage, fiddling with the hem of his slightly too large, silky blue overtunic that he had definitely mugged from some unsuspecting guest.

“What the _kriff_ is Kenobi doing here?!”, he hissed over his back.

“I have no idea. Weren’t he and Master Jinn tasked with an escort mission for some Senator’s kids?”

Mace could feel the headache coming. It was the very specific headache reserved for Jinn Incidents. Jinn Incidents were characterised by their unexpected occurrence, their unfortunate timing and their tendency to result in quite a lot of paperwork and monetary compensation to third parties. Accounting even had a whole separate budget for them.

“Well, we have to get Padawan Kenobi to come over here! The boy looks like he’s planning to do something foolish,” Plo urged him with a light nudge from his elbow.

Mace groaned. A unsupervised teenager really wasn’t beneficial to their cover. But Plo was right, they couldn’t just let the boy go off unaccompanied, Force knew how much of Jinn’s …methods he already had internalized. Better to keep him where they could prevent the worst from happening.

“This will compromise our cover for sure, won’t it?” he lamented, more to himself than to anybody else.

Plo chuckled lightly. “Oh, do not worry, your disguise is impeccable. Even if you sat right into the middle of a Council session, no one would suspect a thing.” And he lightly poked his cheek with a jewellery adorned claw. “You should dress up like this more often.”

Mace glowered at his friend.

“Don’t pull that face. Who knows, you might even score a date that way.” The other continued to tease. They both knew that would never happen.

“What? So that you and Depa can sneak some more holos of me and crash it? Not even in your dreams. By the way, I would never try to lower your own chances. I dress the way I do out of consideration for you and the others. It wouldn’t be a fair competition otherwise.” He dramatically placed his hand on his front, imitating a bad holonovel character fainting.

“How considerate of you, we all stand deep in your debt.”

Mace snorted. “I’ll get back to that.”

Continuing to play the role of a slightly inebriated eye candy, he snuggled up to his mission partner some more, sneakily glancing over to where Kenobi was hiding. Only, the boy wasn’t there anymore.

He froze up a bit, and at Plo must have felt the confusion and slight alarm that slipped through his shield momentarily. He turned his head up and whispered: “Kenobi has disappeared.”

The Kel Dor put his hand on his shoulder, peeling him slightly off his person. “I will go look for him. If anyone asks, I am looking for drinks.” And with those words he pushed off the seat.

Mace slumped down the entire length of the couch they had occupied, absentmindedly following the current salve of bids for some kind of woven tapestry depicting a landscape, but in all the wrong colours. He swirled around the straw in his empty cocktail glass, inspecting the brochure with the program again and trying to prevent rogue stands of wig hair from sticking to his glossed-up lips (a futile battle, really). Huh, so it was almost time for that Hutt statue Plo was interested in. He wasn’t going to lie, he too was slightly curious how it would look, what kind of weirdo was selling a life sized statue of himself? He knew that some of the Hutts could be… eccentric, but this surely was a bit much, even for one of them.

Now what was taking Plo so long?

Just as he wanted to risk a glance, a long glass with a sloshing blue and orange liquid inside appeared in front of his face. Immediately, he set his head in his neck, peering up. Needless to say, he was greeted by the sight of Plo, drinks in both his hands and accompanied by a fidgety and slightly hunched over Padawan Kenobi.

But the most notable thing was the carefully controlled, cold distaste that seeped slightly through his friend’s shields.

Plo rarely, almost never, got angry, so this was bound to be interesting. Interesting, probably alarming and highly likely to derail their current mission. And he had the creeping suspicion that it might have to do with that menace Jinn.

Sitting up, he carefully watched Plo gently maneuver Kenobi onto the couch as well, before sitting down himself. The poor boy seemed horribly confused and shot curious glances towards Mace. He sighed to himself and shortly lifted the curtain of purple bangs, nodding towards the Padawan who immediately paled, then turned red as a Takodana hardbeet. Force, he hoped he hadn't just mentally scarred a child.

“So, _what happened_?”, he whispered as the Keld Dor finally was within earshot again.

Plo at first only hummed noncommittally, leaving one hand securely on the shoulder of the still nervous Obi-Wan.

“It turns out,” and he turned his head halfway towards Mace, “that Master Jinn had seemingly _lost_ his sabre’s kyber crystal while gambling for information. And apparently, it will be sold here as part of a piece of art. Which is why Jinn had the _glorious_ idea to offer the auction house something that could be auctioned off for equal or higher value.”

Mace frowned deeply, that sounded absolutely like something Jinn would do, but it didn’t really explain why his friend was in such a bad mood. As he looked up confusedly, Plo nodded ever so slightly into the direction of Padawan Kenobi who hesitantly was munching on some of the salty snacks they had been served earlier.

Mace's eyes widened.

“ _You don’t mean_ -“

The Kel Dor gestured him to keep it down.

“ _Apparently_ , this wasn’t even the _first_ time something like this happened.” Oh, now he could completely understand why Plo was this angry. “And its supposed to be _fine_ , since Jinn was planning on stealing him back at some point.” It was only a low hiss, but Mace felt the other’s outrage seep out into the Force more and more. He grabbed Plo’s arm. “Calm yourself, it wont be beneficial to any of us if people get alerted of our presence. But where is Jinn now? Did Obi-Wan escape on his own?”

A dry laugh escaped his friend.

“Oh no. You see, what our dear Qui-Gon did _not take_ not account for was, that Mistress Tawworra here found him _incredibly_ attractive. And is in possession of a Force-suppressing amulet of some kind.”

As unbecoming as this kind of vindication was for a Member of the High Council, Mace couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy this apparent turn of events.

“Huh, so now we know what the mystery surprise will be… I guess Mistress Tawworra will join in on the bid herself?”

Plo nodded slowly, glancing back to their skittish new companion. “Although I wonder,” he started musing, “we haven’t seen any kyber so far. Where do you think it will-?“

As if waiting for that exact moment, a shift in the Force made all three of them shift their attention to the stage, where, on a hovering platform, a covered, gigantic mass was rolled in. And that mass practically glowed in the Force.

“Attention, dear Guests! We now come to one of the most _intriguing_ pieces of tonight’s auction!” The music had paused and the silver droid’s voice carried over the hushed audience. “It also is the biggest piece of tonight’s collection, sponsored by a good friend of the Mistress herself! But as breathtaking as this piece may be, keep in mind that this is the last item before we reveal the _Mystery Surprise_! So spend your credits wisely!” And with a wave of Mistress Tawworra’s gold and silver encased hand, a young, equally shimmery clad Kessurian tugged away the cloth that had obscured the item.

A whisper went through the audience.

There, elevated on its own hovering pedestal towered the single most garish, overdone and ,frankly, horrifying statue of a Hutt Mace had ever had the misfortune to lay his eyes upon. It was composed of several different precious metals, polished to the top, practically encrusted with jewels and even had a real toupee on top of it, gelled back and just as shiny as the rest of that nightmare in gold. But the real topper was the multi-layered necklace that had a good dozen or so kyber crystals dangling from it.

“Well, it seems as if I was right after all. The Ziro statue _is_ important.”

And with that, for the first time this evening, he grabbed towards their little holographic number plate they had been handed at the entrance.

“What… what are you doing?”, Mace hissed as Plo placed his first bid.

He was graced with a cool, unreadable stare. “Those kyber crystals must be what we have been sent here for, don’t you agree? So I better start bidding now, we can’t risk them falling into the hands of people who would misuse them.”

A rather convincing argument indeed.

“ _Masters_?” Padawan Kenobi’s slightly frantic voice piped up, “I-…What-… Don’t we have to save Master Qui-Gon?!” The poor boy looked deeply confused by everything, eyes as big as saucers.

Plo patted his shoulder calmingly, not taking his eyes away from the monitor from the steadily rising price of the statue. “Do not worry. Qui-Gon should be capable enough to get out of this himself. If he doesn’t return to the Temple within a week, we’ll send someone to bail him out.”

Now, Mace knew this was Plo just being petty. They would have to send someone for Jinn the moment they reported this incident, but the thought of letting the man simmer a bit in the care of Mistress Tawworra was indeed a tempting one.

“And don’t worry. We will definitely find you another Master first thing in the morning, Obi-Wan.”


End file.
